I was talking to my therapist a while back about my need to feel like i’m always in control of situations and how this can sometimes cause more problems for me than it really helps. (Side note-I think everyone should have a therapist because they see things in us that we’re too stubborn to see for ourselves.)
What she said to me wasn’t necessarily anything novel, but it’s proven to be pretty eye-opening and beneficial to me.
She said “why are you wasting your energy?”
Seems simple until you realize that that means having a hard truth moment with yourself. Let me be clear – asking yourself “why am I wasting my energy” is simple… it’s the answer that’s the hard part. If you’re anything like me, your answer is something along the lines of “because I want to make sure things are done my way/the right way.”
Truth is though, my desire to control things is less because of wanting things done my way and far more about protecting myself. If I can control something, it can’t hurt me – or at least that blame is on myself. But does it really help? Am I really able to rid myself of that extra anxiety by playing god in situations that are just going to happen as they happen?
So that brings me back to her original question – why are you wasting your energy? Let go. Try to recognize the “why” behind why you’re trying to control a situation, it’s far easier to reason through how you’ll be okay if you relinquish that control – which, absolutely yes, is tough.
But you know what’s so much cooler than being in control of anything? Letting someone else take on that task while you save your energy for an even greater purpose.